We’ll start today’s post with a bit of Lee’s Wacky World of Nightmares. I had some trouble sleeping last night due to a real creepy-ass dream. I’m not sure if it was the girl from The Ring, or the girl from F.E.A.R. (hey, they’re practically the same design), but she was standing in front of me staring right at me. It felt like I was a camera, zooming in and out to get a good look at her. Or rather, she would zoom in on me, letting me see right through her eye. She then ripped herself open, letting me see her intestines and shit. It was pretty fucking disturbing. I hate my subconcious sometimes.
It’s been so long since I’ve written a normal blog I almost feel like I’ve forgotten how to do it. That kinda worries me.
One of my uncle’s died a couple weeks ago. It didn’t hit me that hard, as we haven’t been that close since I was a kid (I was pretty numb throughout the funeral), but it still blows. I worry about my family, but don’t really know what I can do for ’em. Hell, I’m still a wreck from my mom’s death, so I’m not exactly a rock of support right now. That’s the funny thing about death. Life moves on around you, but you never really do yourself. I’ve just been going through the motions lately, distracting myself with friends and what have you, but when I’m alone minding my own business, it’ll creep up on me just how much I miss her. It’s like I’ve been thrown into this whole new life and I have to start from scratch. That’s even scarier then nightmares about creepy little girls from movies or video games.
I’ve also been dealing with a lot of personal shit I can’t go into here. I’ve got a friend or two I’ve discussed it with, but how I feel about the situation fluctuates from day to day. I really just wanna wash my hands of it, but at the same time I don’t. Ah, human emotion. How I hate you.
Speaking of personal shit no one cares about, I’ve been lonely as fuck lately. I guess it really triggered when mom died, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t already something I was dealing with. Over the past week I’ve went crazy on Grindr, Scruff, and a few other gay “dating” apps. I say “dating” because most dudes really use it to hook up or whatever. I have nothing against that, but I’m really too socially awkward to pull it off. I’ve said it before, I can have sexy time fun if there’s a keyboard in front of me, but if you try to hit on me in person I’ll clam right the fuck up. It doesn’t help that I’m typically obilivous to dudes hitting on me in the first place.
Like I just mentioned, I get really brave online when it comes to flirting. There was one guy on Grindr that had a profile with what looked like a Googled picture of a shirtless well built military guy. His bio simply said “just ask.” I sent him a message saying “Your profile says ‘just ask’ so I will…Can I do my laundry on your abs?” I got a chuckle from the guy, but never got another message. That’s pretty much the norm with every guy I message (if they even respond). Maybe I should work on my technique. Or turn into a slut. I dunno.
I found out yesterday The Protomen are coming back to New Orleans and Dallas at the beginning of August. I really, REALLY want to go, but I don’t think I have any friends to go with at the moment. Everyone I know that would like to go is super fucking broke. Bitches need to sell a kidney or something.
After that, school will be starting back up soon. I think it’ll be really good for me to get back into the swing of things. I really need to feel productive again, I think. I wrote a 15-minute short last semester that we were talking about producing, but after my mom’s passing, I lost contact with everyone involved. Hopefully they’ll still wanna do it. If not, I think I just need to man up and start making better connections with the friends I have there, figure out what we can budget, and start making our own shit.
Splunkers The Cat will have its day.