Originally posted September 28, 2007 to Myspace.

You know what would be awesome?  If instead of blood, people bled out strawberry jam.  Think about the possibilities!  Say, little Suzie gets in some kind of accident and has a cut on her arm.  Would you go get a band-aid to soak up the jam?  No!  You would exclaim “Quick!  Little Suzie has cut herself!  Find me some bread, immediately!”  See, with this, little Suzie doesn’t bleed to death AND you have yourself a quick little snack!

…Now that I think about it, it’s probably not the best idea I’ve had.  I mean, I do so love some sammiches.  I’d probably start stalking people, then corner them in a dark allyway, butter knife in one hand, peanut butter in another.