Originally posted Tuesday, May 15, 2007.

Have you ever talked to one of those people that don’t “celebrate” a certain holiday, like Halloween or something? Most people react in the normal way, wondering why their religious affiliation keeps them from giving children free candy. But I wonder what they mean by “celebrate.” How exactly do you “celebrate” a holiday, Halloween specifically? Do you put up streamers, get some noisemakers, and shout “WOO! Halloween! Praise be to the sugar gods!” I mean, does anyone really “celebrate” any holiday? Take Thanksgiving, for example. Do you think families get together to remember the days the pilgrims and the Native Americans first broke bread? Hell no! They get together to stuff their pie-holes full of (what else?) stuffing. I’ve been to a few other family’s holiday “celebrations” and it’s pretty much the same all around. Christmas isn’t all about having the baby Jesus blow out his birthday candles (although my family did something to that effect once or twice. Pretty freakin’ weird), it’s about making spoiled little brats even more spoiled for a day. Also: It’s another day to spend stuffing your face, depending on how you “celebrate.”

So the next time someone says something about “celebrating” a certain holiday, remember this: They’re lying bastards and you should kick them in the face-Chuck Norris style.

Advertisements